- Drink Down
A man orders two shots daily—one for him, one for his faraway brother. One day, he orders only one. The bartender asks, “Is your brother okay?” The man replies, “He’s fine. I quit drinking.” - Penguin Parade
A trucker hauls 50 penguins. A cop says, “Take them to the zoo!” The next day, they’re headed to the beach—the penguins had fun at the zoo. - The Plasterer
A talking duck orders beer and a sandwich daily. When offered a circus job, he asks, “Why would they need a plasterer?” - Slowpoke Centipede
A man buys a talking centipede. After being ignored, the centipede snaps, “I’m putting on my shoes!” - Hell’s Handyman
An engineer in Hell fixes everything. When God demands his return, the devil jokes, “Where’ll you find a lawyer?” - Big-Time Lawyer
A lawyer fakes a busy call. The visitor? His phone installer. - Chick Magnet
A rookie farmer keeps planting baby chicks too deep or far apart. - Bachelors
A man’s cookbook is useless—he never starts with “a clean plate.” - Copy That?
A worker mistakes a shredder for a copier, asking, “Where do the copies come out?” - Whoa, Amen!
A horse only obeys prayers, stopping at a cliff edge when its rider yells, “Amen.” - Nutty Natter
Hearing compliments at a bar? It’s the complimentary peanuts talking.
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